Monday, November 7, 2011

Friends are quiet angels

  who try their best not to upset you
 who stay with you through laughter and pain
 who make memories memorable 
 who accept you for who you are
and give their best smile to you.

For everyone I call friends, no matter where you are right now,
I love you guys to bits.
Thanks for making my journey in life more memorable.

Friday, November 4, 2011

If I could...


turn back time, wouldn't it be nice?
Feeling nostalgic makes me miss home now.
23rd Dec, please make it happen.
Amen.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Unspoken thought

when...
you can simply opt out, why stick?
you can simply tell, why keep?
you can simply show, why hide?

these few little things
may seem nothing
and often are left forgotten
but have you cared much
about the other heart
the other fragile heart?

perfection is one thing
truthfulness is another
and if decision should be made
i'd go for the latter
for what's perfect often fade
but truth makes one stronger
and wiser too
due to the hurt it causes.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Dissy oh dissy

I've been reading about Autism lately and it's interesting how a novel (House Rules by Jodi Picoult) can influence me towards exploring this disability. And I'm thinking of writing up a dissertation about Autism and Language Learning. But up to this stage I'm still not confident enough with the topic. I don't want to be too ambitious though. Katy said she's very interested to read my dissertation if I stick to that topic 'cause her son is autistic. Sounds like a motivation to me. Mummy too promised to help me with it. That's obviously a bonus point for having mum who's a nurse and who's been dealing with children with disabilities. Now should I go for the topic or not?? Focus form needs to be emailed this Friday. Ahh I really need to decide!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

You used to be...

...so peaceful
...so clean
...so safe for me to walk around
   even after midnight

now everything's changed
you're no longer the old you
and your beauty slowly fades
i miss the old you
i miss you
my dearest student village.

look at the damage they've caused you:


           bras hung on the innocent tree. how gross!
                       such an eye-sore it is.


                bottles and beer cans everywhere.
                guess they forgot what bins are for!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Scones, cream and jam


A cream tea is usually eaten as a mid-afternoon snack or when on holiday, as a stop-gap during that long break between the midday and evening meals (Source). It is taken with scones, clotted cream and jam. And House 16's latest addiction is having cream tea. Thanks to Al for sharing the right way of having cream tea, after she attended cream tea session with the church mates. Oh and there are two ways as to how cream tea should be eaten, the Cornish way or the Devonian way:


If you asked us which would we prefer, we definitely love it the Cornish way, strawberry jam first and clotted cream on top. The taste just blends so well and it's heaven!



Our version of cream tea. A little bit messy but it does taste as good.

So, cream tea anyone?




Purplish header

Yippee :) I'm lovin' my new blog header. Simple yet pleasing to my eyes 'cause it's in my favourite colour.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How Shame

No matter how weak your students are you just have no rights to deny their rights to sit for the public examination. How shame it is to see this thing happened in my own hometown, where I grew up. Worst still, the trio are of my race and one of them is very familiar to me. Put yourself in their parents shoes. How frustrating could that be? And dear educators, wouldn't this just tarnish the image of our profession even more? 

Monday, September 19, 2011

I don't mind helping...

if you're close to me
if you don't hurt my girlfriend's feeling
if you don't burden her
if you're responsible enough
if you show some appreciation.

No, I don't mind at all. But you're nothing close to the above. Just count you're lucky this time 'cause if it wouldn't for her, nobody's going to help.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Time is running out

It's not long now till our last goodbye to this land of the Whites, England. Only nine months left, how time flies. I still remember when we first arrived here. Everybody was looking smart with the blazers on and we were welcomed by the falling leaves of Autumn. By now, I think I've got too attached to the life here.It feels like a second home already. I sure am going to miss this land, especially the following:

Sweet, friendly greetings
 Morning, my love.
 You alright, sweetheart/my darling?
 Cheers, love.

Fresh, unpolluted air

Cheap novels
The Works is always my favourite for novel hunting, besides charity shops and carboot sales. I can get 3 new novels for only 5 quids (around RM25). Oh Heaven!

Charity Shops and Carboot Sales
Where you can get good second hand stuff for a very cheap price. Plus you're doing some charity for shopping in the Charity Shops.

Travelling around the globe
To be able to travel around Europe is like a dream comes true! I'm going to miss the feeling of planning for a trip, although my part is the toughest of all (looking for places of interest with the direction from one place to another).

Bus Service
Good thing about this is I got to save money as I can use Reduced fare (Child Fare). Hehe. And I like the bus design, no stairs at the door. Instead they have a flat floor,which can be lowered to help the elderly with their walking frame, the ones with wheelchairs and baby strollers to board the bus. I salute how particular they are about their citizens welfare.

There's a lot more in my list but that's it for now. I'll add up to it next time.






Friday, September 9, 2011

Despising arguments

I may look tough from the outside but behind those smiles, only I know what lies. I can't bear arguments, not even the slightest debate in the classroom or kitchen. The most replies you're going to get is two or three. Beyond that, you won't hear anything from me. And I hate it when I have to hold back my tears every time I'm in an argument. It makes me look silly, imagine if I'm in a crowd, how silly that can be. What a weakness I have here. But, as much as I hate arguments, I still thank them for holding me from throwing out words that will most probably hurt the other party even worse. Still, argument is like a virus to me, so please keep it away from me.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

what's been said cannot be unsaid

Thank you for swearing. You should be ashamed, for that someone you're swearing at has never and would never swear to you.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Mother Tongue

Not having someone to properly and regularly speak my L1 (Iban) with here makes it a bit rusty now. I hate having to struggle finding the right words when calling home (read:grandma).  Well you see, grandma doesn't speak English so I can't expect her to understand the English word that I've failed to find the L1 equivalent at that moment. Sometimes I have to stop for a second before continuing with my story with her. Such disappointment it is. I just wish the awkwardness is not there once I'm back home.


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

You're my heroes

Oh how much they've grown up!
It seems like just yesterday 
that you two were born,
making another additions to the rubens.

Now both are a lot  taller than me.
But I don't mind.
And I remember how you tried to protect me
from those flirty guys
by acting like you're my boyfriend.
Oh how sweet that was!

I miss you both
Mark Ruben & Leoforster Ruben
my ever so handsome lil brothers ^-^

Your dear sister,
Beattrice Ruben.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Sweet memories won't fade


The coolest crowd during the Euro trip. That's the picture of us playing 'who-got-the-smallest-card-loses' game in the Indian dudes' room. They've got the room with a balcony that gives the best view of Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland. Everyone's jealous! And oh yeah, back to the game we played, anyone who loses had to drink a glass of wine. And guess what! I was the first to drink! What a bad luck. Lucky it was just a half glass of wine as a starter. But it got crazier as Aamir (the dude from India) became the bartender. He's crazy! He mixed up wine + beer + JD. I almost had to drink the first glass of that concoction. Lucky I get to escape 'cause there's a misunderstanding of the instruction. Thank God I didn't have to swallow that drink! We laughed like crazy and some cheated by looking at the mirror or asking the others. It was great fun though.


Did I tell that we were so loud that we could wake the whole hotel up? Crazy right? We LOL too much. With this crazy bunch of people you just could't help it. This included our coach driver, Clive, who's so sporting to let the dudes took their beer stock from the coach in the middle of the night! And we ended up finding another port so we could do whatever we wanted without having to think about the other hotel guests. But instead of continuing the games, they ended up telling ghost stories and finishing up the drinks. While I, just sitting there listening to them and enjoying the peaceful night. For me, that's the best night where everyone started mingling around and breaking the barrier.


That's us standing on top of Europe, Jungfraujoch just before we started the snow fight. The weather up there was bad. It was snowing heavily and the reason why we all put on our shades was to prevent the snowfall from hurting the eyes. Without the shades, I couldn't even open my eyes and walk normally on the snow.


The picture of us inside the Jungfraujoch Ice Palace.


Malaysian and Singaporean chicks having ice-creams in Pisa, Italy.


Top From Left: Ben (M'sia obviously), XQ (Singapore), Faruk (India), Ram (India), Jaryd (New Zealand), Mark (UK), Aamir (India) and Louisa (Australia).
Bottom From Left: Me, Alviana and Carolyn (M'sia), Karen (Singapore) and Nikki (UK) 

I seriously miss travelling with this crowd. I miss the coach ride, especially my favourite seat (the 2nd last from the back). I miss us playing crazy games in the coach. 

Sweet memories won't fade just yet and I'm thankful for the lovely experience. Looking forward to reunite with XQ in Singapore, next year perhaps.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Fact.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

We Aren't Sisters



Funny how they thought Ben and I are sisters. Even funnier, "twin sisters". Are you seriously kidding me? lol. It started in Paris itself, our very first day of the trip. In the lift, precisely, when our newly met Singaporean friend, XQ said we looked like sisters. I asked in which part do we look alike and she said our eyes. Erk? Then the next one was in Switzerland in front of our hotel after spending time on the bridge exchanging ghost stories. When I said I wanna go off to bed, one of the Indian guys purposely dragged a conversation so I won't be going back to my room with Ben. He gave us a class of wine each as a nice-to-know-you sign. When we told them our names, they straightaway asked "Are you two sisters?" just because our name both starts with B and that they said we look alike. Again. The Canadian couple said the same thing too. We told them we're not even related by blood. hahaha. They called us B & B instead, to be safe. And as always, our names got mixed up. I'm being called Ben and vice versa.  

Getting our names mixed up is not a new thing. Even our lecturers did and still do that. Sometimes you just felt annoyed when they can't even get it right. But well they're not entirely to blame though. Our names start with B. Both studying in the same class, wearing almost identical glasses during class, having long hair, always together. Wonder when can this end.



Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Paris, I'm NOT in love

I just came back from my 12 days Euro Trip a few days ago. I think I've recovered from the trip by now. And just thought it might be a good idea to share some of my experiences during those 12 days in this blog. Let's start with France, Paris in particular.

The first thing I noticed when we entered Paris was the graffiti. It's everywhere! Some are quite cool though. But the city smells! The smell of pee is horrible, especially in the Metro Station. Dogs' Poop's everywhere you gotta have to watch your steps. Such a turn off it is. I wonder how can you feel the love when it smells horribly? Did I mention the Metro sucks big time too? oh and and the mineral water tastes weird, I couldn't take it.


Right, enough with the turn-offs of Paris. Here are some photos of famous places in there:

  
 


Sacre Coeur Basilica


The Louvre


Love Bridge
where lovers lock their padlocks and throw the keys into River Seine 
as a sign of undying love.


Notre Dame Cathedral


Ever so famous Eiffel Tower
It's just a besi buruk that only looks good at night.

Oh ya! French isn't that friendly and helpful if you speak English to them. Try using Malay/ Chinese or whatever non-English language, they'll be more willingly to help. Last words, beware of the pickpockets.

Till then :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Switzerland,with love

It's our 5th day of travelling. We've been enjoying every single moment of the trip. The new friends are cool! The tour guide and the driver are lovely! Now, we're in Switzerland and we've just got back from the top of Europe. Weehoo It was amazing up there I swear! Till then.

Switzerland with love :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Europe Sweet Escape


Done with all the packing. Just waiting for the time to pass and leave for the bus station to London. I'm so excited! The last country we visited was Scotland and that was like last December. This time we're off to 7 freaking countries --> France, Switzerland, Germany, Holland, Italy, Belgium and Austria. Oooh la la. It's gonna leave a BIG hole in the wallet for sure but I don't really care now. I just wanna travel and see the world. Chance like this doesn't always come people. So I'm gonna say goodbye to my part-time job for now, just forget about everything and enjoy! See ya after 4th of August! Till then, sayonara!


It's summer holiday bebeh!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

Monday, July 18, 2011

"Good Night" Malaysia vs UK

I remember last time when I was in school my English teachers always reminded us not to greet 'Good Night' although it's night time. Unless you're going to bed, then it's appropriate to use. They told us to use 'Good Evening' instead. But when I'm here I face different thing. No matter where you are, you're going to bed or not, they'll still say 'Good Night' when it's night. My first encounter was during my first week of work, more than a month ago. One of the lecturers in the building said 'Good Night' to me when she passed by me on her way to the lift. I thought I've heard it wrongly. With Malaysian context still on my mind, I was confused:   'Why has she greeted me good night when obviously I'm not going to bed anytime soon?' Then slowly I discovered they use that phrase for late evening as well. See... how things are different yea? Now that I've worked there for two months, I'm getting used to it. Even I replied them with that phrase when they said it to me. Just thought it might be worth sharing here.   

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Silence is golden

If you've known me long and well, you'll probably know when I'm a lot silent than usual, it shows that I'm angry/annoyed. I just doesn't feel the urge to speak when I know the words I'm gonna utter will mainly based on anger. I don't like shouting, I don't even know how to shout to channel the anger out *sigh*. I find it's better to keep silent than to hurt others with words 'cause sometimes they can be sharper than knives.  Let them figure what they've done me wrong to make me that silent. I just don't like pointing out. So when you sense I'm a lot quieter than usual, you better not say anything much 'cause I just won't entertain you. 


"Silence is a woman's best garment."

Friday, July 15, 2011

Happy 4th Anniversary Marjon 1

It seems just like yesterday I stepped my feet on Gaya Teacher Training Institute. The first person I sat next to. The first person I talked to. The first three friends. I still remember how awkward it was like to be talking to some new friends and trying to catch up with what they're saying with their accent. The first impression. The quarrel. The laughter.The cry. The gossips. We've been through them all. The bittersweet of our journey as Marjonians. And yeah, some hate us, bad-mouth about us, envy us, ignore us,being sarcastic towards us. Just because we're in the twinning programme with overseas Uni. Just because we got the best classroom, with air-conditioner. I still remember what the Maths seniors said to us at that stairs heading to our class.

"Sejuk ka tu UK?" (sarcastically and pointing to our class)
                                       
                                      "Kirim slm UK ah!" (wth?)

There's a lot more. With people always trying to find our fault and all. We're almost  immuned to it already. It hurts, I know but well we can't shut their mouth. The most we could do is to ignore them and enjoy our privileges hahaha.

Four years, a lot has changed. And we still have another year here before we face the same thing again back in Gaya. How time flies!

Happy 4th Anniversary Marjon 1 
a.k.a.
Cohort 1 Cycle 3
16th July

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Make way to hairdresser

After 2 years in the UK, this is my first time (might be my last too)  having my haircut here. And that was like after thinking 1001 times and after being persuaded by my dearly persuasive friends, 'cause it's freaking expensive to have a haircut here! Plus you have to do an appointment beforehand which I find is quite troublesome. And for long hair they gonna charge more obviously!

So today we went to the hairdresser (Jules Studio), the one that has been suggested by my colleague. She said it gonna cost me like 10 quids for a haircut. But arghh! The lady at the counter told us that it gonna cost like 32 quids (around 160MYR) just for less-than-a-thumb's length. I was like 'bagus aku pi shopping di New Look siap boleh dpt 3 pairs of jeans lagi!' So off we went to another hairdresser.

For this one we got a reasonable price. 12.95 quids for long hair dry cut and another 3 quids for fringe trim. 15.95 quids in total, half the price of the former. No appointment necessary. Friendly hair stylist despite being mistaken as Chinese (almost immuned to it by now). The only thing is the way they layer the hair is weird. Ketara bertingkat mcm tangga ni. Adeh. But yea, I got my hair shorter now and the fringe is back. So no regrets although sayang tgk tu rambut panjang.


  

Monday, June 20, 2011

Going home

Seeing one by one leaving Marjon for Malaysia doesn't seem to change my mind of staying over. I know if I want to, I still could. Just a phone call away, I could get myself on board. But the feeling is just not there. Am I that feelingless? Perhaps it's because of the better options I've opted to. Travelling- yup, I haven't visited much countries during my stay here. This is the great time for me to go out of the country and explore the world. I haven't have much time left 'cause it's gonna be my last summer here. Now that I have a part-time job, it's gonna be harder to apply for leave 'cause I've only 30 days of leave (with holiday pay). So I'd better save some 'leave' for the winter . The besties are staying as well. We've promised that we gonna have each other throughout the summer. I'm not gonna be selfish. I'm not leaving them behind. 'cause I know how it felt to be left alone. So here I am...still thinking that staying for summer is a far off better option. SUMMER you better be good. Give us some sunshine.

xxx
Survivor     

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Disrespectful

When people serve you food or drink, at least show some courtesy by taking a bit or a sip. It's just simply disrespectful if you don't even touch it. As if we are not aware of what you cannot take. As if we purposely add things you can't take in it. Your action just now definitely hurt my feeling. Now tell me how can we live in unity when we don't even know how to treat others? Just don't come to this house if you are too cautious of everything. We just don't need people like you around. Period.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Mister A

If I have your mobile number, I would've called you.
If I have you in my skype list, I would've texted you.
If I have you here, I would've ran to you.
If it was like 7 years ago. Just a text and you were there at my house with your bicycle.
You told me the whole truth about that big fat liar.
You comforted me like a big brother does to his sister.
You stayed with me although I remained silent.
You protected me so I won't get hurt.
I miss you.
Please come back.


-fragile 'sister'-





Monday, May 23, 2011

Say Hi to Working World

I finally got a part-time job here in Plymouth after a long long wait. And I'm so lucky for not having to undergo any interview or short-listing period. After going for the induction, I was told to start the following week. Everything was like happened too fast, I can't believe I've got a job already. All thanks to the friend of mine for the recommendation. I couldn't thank you enough for the chance given.

So today was my first day at work. We (my friend and I) were put together to work in the same floor, the lecturers office. Doing the bins, polishing the table, cleaning the toilets and vacuuming. That's basically the cleaning job we have to do. I can't imagine if I were to do the floor alone. I'm not sure if I can manage. There are like 30 freaking rooms to be cleaned in 2 hours!!!

Well, today is just the beginning. I'll get used to it soon. And thank God the workplace is so near to my house, less than 5-minute walk. To mummy & daddy, your girl is working now. You should be proud. LOL.

 Lastly, praise the Lord for all the blessings He has given me to date.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Comforting the heart

Summer holiday is getting near now. Unlike last year, no countdown for this time for I'm staying here for the break. I envy those who have secured their tickets back home, I really DO. But I've made the decision long before that I'll be staying for this last summer break in a foreign country. I might be missing lots of interesting stuff back home but I shouldn't forget that there are still things that I should look forward to this summer (and perhaps winter).
  • 1st Borneo @ Europe gathering (11th June) : St Ives, I shall witness your beauty once again :)
  • I'll be going off for 12 days trip to 7 countries (woot2) : France, Switzerland, Germany, Holland, Italy, Belgium and Austria. I'll be there this coming 23rd July- 3rd August :)  
  • Visiting other friends at Portsmouth, Canterburry (still in planning)
  • Baths/Spain/Ireland (if the budget permitted)
  • BBQs, enjoying the sun 
  • Job Hunting (tough one I think)

And, of course, the main reason for not returning home this summer is because sweetheart's coming here this 20th Nov! and I'm planning to go home together in December for the winter break! That's going to be more memorable. Plus the siblings will most probably be home too that time. And yeah! Mel's returning home for good in December. Triple happiness. am so looking forward to reunite with ELLEBEMEL :) Winter break spent in Malaysia is a far better option!

Look at the bright side! Nobody's home this summer. Dady & Mumy will be busy working in Bintulu, big sis in Singapore, Leo in college in Kuching and Meo studying in KL. It's not worth it though if I'm back this summer.

And I have the bestfriends with me here throughout the summer :)

I think I've made the right decision. Dear heart, please be nice and don't go fragile.


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Ladies Ballroom Shoes

I'm in love with this ballroom shoes!
£19.95, was £44.95.
Should I or should I not buy?
*Dance mode activated*


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Officially 22

21st April 2011
I turned 22 today.
Since it falls on Maundy Thursday I couldn't have a proper party as we're still on fasting season. So the celebration has to be postponed to after Easter then.
But I went to City Centre with my two companions to enjoy the sunshine & get some ice creams of course (I've been craving for it.hahaha)!

I love roses. Thanks to the giver :)

Korean Artist sesat...hehehe

The birthday girl

The housemates

At Starbucks, Drake Circus

Purple tee + Pinky duvet cover
Just perfect! Those are my favourite colours :)

Yay! I have FRESH roses in my room now :)

Yummy butter cake, a gift from Shidiey

Leather Satchel, a gift from the bestfriends, Bennedette & Alviana

Cute & creative Card by Wanie @ Along

Pinky birthday cards
Love them!

Oh! This is the most expensive gift I've ever had!
My new baby, a gift from dearest Daddy.
I love you Dy :)

Not to forget thanks to everyone who posted birthday wishes in my Facebook Wall. I know FB always send birthday notification and not everybody actually knows it's your birthday personally. But still I appreciate those wishes you gave me. Thanks!
(perhaps I should turn off the notification so I can know who really remember my birth date.hahaha)

And to those who texted to my phone (you know who you are, there's only 3 of you), thank you so much. I really appreciate it & find it meaningful. It reminds me of those days where nobody is on fb/fs yet, but they remembered your birth date (because they knew you well and cared for you) & texted you birthday wishes. Thank you guys for making me feel loved.

So I'm officially 22 now :)



Sunday, April 17, 2011

God loves us

I attended Palm Sunday mass at Efford yesterday with my fellow brother and sisters in Christ. One part of the mass was for us to come forward to the priest, confess our sins and ask for his blessing. There was no force, it's whether you wanna do it or just stay seated. One by one stood forward but I was still sitting there collecting all my courage to do it. I said to myself I've sinned and that I shouldn't be afraid of admitting it. So I joined in the queue and when it's my turn I confessed all my sins that I could recall. The priest hold my hands and said,
"...Remember God always loves you. He has forgiven you. Keep believing in Him. Happy Easter."
I returned to my seat. A huge relief it was after the confession. But his (the priest's) words were still lingering on my mind. I felt guilty. Guilty for (always) neglecting my responsibility as God's servant all these while and yet God still loves me. The background music moved me even more. I felt like crying but I managed to hold back my tears. I must be strong. I said to myself it's God's reminder for me to repent. Be a good Christian, Beattrice.

I'll try my best Dear Lord. Bless me.



Monday, April 11, 2011

Living with lecturer part 1

I've never thought that I'd be living with my own lecturer here in Marjons. She taught us back in Gaya and now she's here taking up her Master Degree in the same uni. She was in the house opposite mine last semester until one day she called me that she wanted to ask something. Not even once I thought she was going to ask about the vacant room downstairs. And everything happened quite fast that I didn't even have the time to digest. It was on the same day itself she got the accommodation moving approved and straightaway moved in. Now you can imagine how speechless I was.

1st It's my lecturer! How awkward is that!!
2nd The kitchen is now stuffed with more things (ndak suka sesak2.huhu)
3rd Less freedom, really have to behave (read:respect)

I need time to adapt to this new environment :)





Friday, April 8, 2011

Choice


I'd rather go offline than tell lies.
I don't want to take the blame
if anything should happen.

I just want to play safe
So I'll just stay quiet here
And mind my own business.

Sorry.






Sunday, April 3, 2011

Mad about Swing


I attended my first Swing Dance class on Saturday the 2nd :)
Thanks to Clare and Ben for inviting me to tag along.
For a complete beginner I was real nervous at first, afraid that I couldn't catch up the steps.
But as we went along, switching partners, I just couldn't be bothered about making mistakes. Like what the instructor (Duncan) said, "Don't keep thinking about the steps. Let it just flows you'll automatically get it."
The theme for that night was 1920's.

Then we had Social Party right after the class. Sitting by the corner, just by looking we were really amazed by how good they were on the dance floor! Envied them for their talent! But the best part was when Duncan asked me to dance with him. I refused him twice but he just won't let me go until I said yes. So there I was, on the dance floor with him. He led me and I just went with the flow. But seriously I have no idea of what I was doing. Pening kena pusing balik2.hahaha. The friends said I did good.

And before I'm off, another guy asked me to dance. Why not, right? He's really a gentleman I swear. He took me to the side to teach the basics and when I've got it we slowly entered the dance floor. Oh what an experience!

I loved the night. Now tell me who would refuse a dance class with only £5 fee per lesson?

Click HERE if you wanna know how Swing Dance is like.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Trust


Secret
It's supposed to be a secret
You promised you'll keep it
But you've been telling around
With confidence I won't find out
But I did be it sooner or later
I always did find it out.

It's not the first time
But I don't know really
Why I still trust you
Even after what you've done
After all the secret-spilling
Perhaps I believe you'll change
But it sounds ambitious now
'Cause it won't happen.

I'm not mad
I'm just disappointed
If I could keep my mouth shut
And keep your secret locked
Then why can't you do the same
Put yourself in my shoes
How would you feel
When your secret isn't secret anymore
And the one you trusted
Is the one spilling it out?


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Of nightmare & death

When I was young I always swore people to die whenever they got on my nerves. My siblings were always the victims of my swearing. But this one night I had a nightmare, a terrible one. In that dream I got a fight with my youngest brother when we were playing behind daddy's office. And he accidentally fell, knocked on the concrete drain and died. I know it was only a dream. But it really gave a great impact on me. I asked myself What if it really happened? What would I do? How would I feel? I was too scared imagining myself losing someone who's dear to my heart. And since then I almost never swear people to die. I was too terrified by the nightmare and I still am now. Whenever I feel like swearing people to die I'm reminded of that nightmare and it stops me from swearing. So I escape from sinning which is obviously a good thing for me. And I thank the nightmare for changing me into a better person today.