Friday, July 9, 2010

Not-so-good granddaughter :(

It's so heartbreaking when I think about the fact that I can't really speak my mum's
language --> Bidayuh. Living together with my grandparents from my dad's side (since young) has exposed me to Iban language, only Iban not Bidayuh. And I know, I am being unfair as I'm closer to my Iban grandparents, Inik and Aki that I pour more love over them. Pity Sumuk. She didn't get as much love as Inik and Aki from me. I'm a bad granddaughter :( I used to blame my mum for not exposing us to her language, for not bridging the gap between us and the bidayuh family. She did actually. It was us who didn't take it seriously and there wasn't much efforts made. Now I regret that I did not master the language that I can't even communicate properly with Sumuk. She can't understand BM which makes things worse. However with the basics I have in Bidayuh plus the hand gestures, I tried to communicate with her. At least I put an effort right? Mum did help to translate. Can't believe that I'm ill-equipped in the language which is supposed to be my mother tongue but manage to speak another language, English I mean.Weird enough.

Lately, I've been told the old folks that I know have passed away, one after another. Being far away from home made me absent from their funerals. May 'they' R.I.P. is all I could say. These whole death thingy have made me feeling more regret. What if Sumuk's turn is next? I haven't spent much time with her let alone sharing stories with her. Since she lives in Bau, somewhere near Kuching and my home is in Bintangor, which is a 5-to-6-hour drive, we only meet once or twice a year mostly during Gawai & Christmas. If she's gone, I would face much regret. Regret for not mastering the language.Regret for not being able to speak to Sumuk. Regret for not spending much time with Sumuk. Regret for not giving much attention, care & love to her. Most of all REGRET FOR NOT BEING A GOOD GRANDDAUGHTER TO SUMUK.

FYI: In Iban,

Grandma= Inik
Grandpa= Aki

In Bidayuh,
Grandma= Sumuk
Grandpa= Babai

Inik (in blue) & Sumuk (in red)

I love you both though I may not show it.
I'll be back soon & I have souvenirs for you both.
I'll mend whatever there is to be mended.